The last post I mentioned calendars. In the Gregorian calendar the new year starts January 1st. Many people set "new years resolutions" in order to change and/or better themselves. I too take part in this in my own way, only month prior. In the Hebrew calendar, the new years starts around the harvest time. In the Gregorian calendar this falls around September/early October. During this time, we have many important holidays as to which we call the "high holidays" or "high holy days". There's Rosh Hashanah, Tashlich, Yom Kippur, Simchat Torah, etc. My favorite of these holidays is Tashlich.
Symbolism is one of my favorite parts of being a Jew. SO much of what we do have symbolic meanings that are also spiritual. Tashlich is the the time where you release. You release your sins, mistakes, and wrong doings from the prior year. Yom Kippur is when you atone for your sins. In order to atone, you must first release them and cleanse your mind. There is no better way to do this than how we are directed to celebrate this moment. Tashlich is when you go to a body water and taking pieces of bread you tear them apart into pieces. Each piece represents a sin. A prayer is said and then you take your time to think and then release your bread, "sins", into the water. The water carries your sins down and away. There is actually some that say if fish start eating your bread that has meaning as well. Literally every little thing has meaning even down to the TYPE of bread you use. Some say different types of bread are used for different sins. It's all so fascinating in my opinion.
For me, I prepared for the new year in September. I released my sins of the last year and I thought about the changes I could make. January 1st is like a second chance for me to rethink what I decided back in September. Its an opportunity to reflect on the changes I had hoped to make. Nothing could have prepared me for these first few days in January.
My relationship with my partner at the time had fallen apart so many times over a 7 year period. December, shit hit the fan and I was done. I knew I was done even though I kept trying. Losing myself was destroying me. I remember one of my amazing college friends writing to me (not verbatim) "The Jewelya I knew didn't take shit from anyone". I missed that Jewelya. I missed the Jewelya that didn't feel small, that wasn't screaming to be heard. I missed the Jewelya I was before breaking up over and over with this horrible person. Strength takes times. When there are so many beautiful moments it is easy to push the bad ones to the side. The feeling stays in your bones. So many feelings that I'll go in depth about one day.
December 31st, I remember coming home from work late as we did a team blunt to celebrate ending the year on "high note". I am the queen of dad jokes so of course I had to throw one in. The tension when home in the beautiful new apartment with him was high. I dreaded coming home to him. I actually have not had a new years kiss. Me and this partner of mine would always be broken up in the winter and somehow back together come spring. This was the pattern for years. I was looking forward to a new years kiss up until that week. That nigh when the ball dropped I remember him looking at me and saying "Do you want me to give you a kiss?" I was.... I was actually speechless. We had barley spoken in 3 days and I had this gut curling feeling. I literally crawled in my skin with that question and I still wonder why I said "yea sure, I guess so". That was the last kiss we shared as partners. One little peck with absolutely no love behind it. I knew we were done.
The first week of 2023 I was living an actually HELL. Recounting it now is hard. It brings up anger, frustration, sadness, and so many salty tears. I was on my own. Everything happened in a very ugly way. I wish it wasn't the case, however seeing as it was finally me ending it and sticking up for myself I knew it was not going to be smooth. I took some self portraits to help myself remember who I am.
Fortunately, I had skiing.
Skiing is my therapy. With or without headphones in, as long as I have two sticks on my feet, going down the mountain is a special euphoria. Maybe it is because I've been doing it since I was 2 years old, maybe its the adrenaline, maybe it because I truly have a deep passion for skiing. No matter what "it" is, skiing is a therapy that clear my mind like nothing else. Teaching kids is something that I have been doing for years. Between skiing and managing a horseback riding camp I was always teaching. There were many birthday parties at the horse farm that they asked me if I was a teacher or principal. I would tell them "You could not pay me enough." Teaching 3-6 year old's how to ski takes a lot of energy, patience, effort and passion. I love it with all my soul. This season was so much fun. I got to have golden bubble powder days with one of the younger brothers of a kid I taught last season. I had crazy days with the top level group who drove me nuts but also had me belly laughing. They could seriously shred!
I am not sure what I would have done if I did not have ski teaching and working in the cannabis shop. Being on the hill was sometimes very stressful. There were countless days I was reprimanding kids over and over. There were many more days where I laughed my head off and smiled from ear to ear. One of my coworkers at the mountain had a kid that was now old enough to ski with me. Its always fun to see things come full circle. We had gotten our PDP Stage 1 at Mount Snow together, when that was still a thing. Now I got to teach his daughter and even babysit for them. It is so important for parents to get out and for me it was nice to be closer to the mountain. A skibum is who I've been my whole life. I never had a true second home to stay in like many I work with do. We always stayed at friends, that became family, houses. I've slept on countless people couches or in their extra bedroom if I am really lucky. I always felt blessed to have this mountain family.
Now with this new job I was getting another family. You spend more time at work than at home generally. Anywhere from 32-40 hours or more is spent at work. When you are home you spend anywhere from 6-8 hours, or more if you can, sleeping. That leaves 8 hours during the day that you are awake for. This is why work atmosphere is so important. People look down on "job hopping". Thing is, you may not know a job isn't for you until you have tried it. I had already been selling my jewelry at this shop for quite sometime but I did not know the people there that well. Within a couple months I felt so comfortable. The girls I work with are absolute sweet hearts. They are all funny with a great sense of humor, weird in the best ways. Going out to D-bags with this crew was so much fun. It had been a long time since I had a group of girls to hangout with and I got along with them really well, which was so exciting.
These good things helped me get through the bad. My mind was a very dark place to be, however I had to find balance. Skiing in January was made difficult by my on going hip injury. I was getting massages and acupuncture done to keep the sciatica at bay. At the end of the month I received my cortisone injection. Each time I get one I feel like I have a new hip. Once I got my shot, I was back to my regular self, skiing with the kiddos. The best part about this new job was that we did not start till 10:15. This allowed me to get a couple runs on the hill before going into work. I've never been fortunate enough to do this. It helped my mind so much and I got to ski so much powder due to this.
In February I did learn some very exciting news. My Mom was planning a trip to Israel and I was able to go to. The best part of not having PTO or vacation time benefits is I can sort of do what I want. The one downside is that I do not get paid when I am away. I am so blessed to have a very supportive family that did create generational wealth in just a couple generations. Without the support of my family I would not be able to go back to the homeland. I cried when I received the news that I would be traveling to Israel. It was the light at the end of my dark dark tunnel that I desperately needed.
It has been 15 years since I was last in Israel. I have very little family in the United States. Other than my immediate family, I have about 3 first cousins, 6 second/third cousins and then few aunts and uncles in the US. Everyone else is in a different country. I have around 60 cousins and counting in Israel alone. There have been so many little ones born over the years that now they are no so little. I was so looking forward to this trip. To experience Israel again and see my favorite part of the family. I could not wait!
Truly, winter felt long and oh so short. I do not even know what happened other than working and skiing and eating way more sweets than I should have been. As March was coming around, I was preparing for my Level 2 ski exam. The national accreditation for ski instructing, PSIA, is something I take seriously and find important. I have had countless interviews ask me about it after seeing it on my resume. Even people that are not full blown ski instructors have heard of PSIA and know about he great skills and leadership qualities they build. I was always told the pass rate goes downs a lot for the Level 2. I watched countless videos and spoke to my peer at the mountain. I also skied with people I call mentors. One of them I have known since I was three years old and his best advice was always "have fun". That is what I love about skiing. The comradery is so much different. There is pressure to pass these exam and it IS nerve racking but we are also there to have fun!! There is no good skiing without fun and enjoyment.
Early March I had my exam. Once of my coworkers that I have known since she was 16 was joining me. I think this actually made me more nervous. There feels like there is less pressure when you do not know anyone. These exams are two days long with a huge amount of teaching and skiing skills covered. As we were standing there the examiners came over and started to call out names. I knew who it was as soon as I heard the voice. Mr. Barnes goes "Julia Silverman, oh. Hey how's your dad doing?". I laughed. Hannah, my coworker from the mountain goes "Of course you would know him". Funny enough she did too!! Our examiner just happened to be a GM at Mount Snow at some point and had many roles at Mount snow over 20 or so years. I laughed because it is so funny how many people I have met because of my father. My dad is so well respected and revered at the mountain, to the point that I am "Danny Silverman's daughter". I try not to mind too much as it is a big compliment how much he is liked, I just want to be my own person sometimes haha.
At the end of day 1, I learned I had passed. There were a total of 12 people between 2 groups and 4 people passed if I remember correctly. I questioned if this was because I knew the examiner and the fact he knew my dad very well. However, that was my own bad thoughts of not thinking I am good enough. These examiners are trained very well to looks at the skills. I passed because I had the skills. Then it was on to day two! The second exam was the one I was more nervous for. That day there were less people and even less people passed. Sadly, I did not pass however passing half of my level 2 was very exciting. Only 2 out of 8 people passed. After the exam, I spoke to my peer at the mountain about it. I learned one of the examiners I had for the the second day was one of the toughest out there. This examiner gave feedback to an absolutely incredible ski instructor that almost made him quit!! Now this man is seriously one of the best teachers and skiers I know, so in a way this was reassuring.
With my exam being done I could just enjoy the rest of ski season. At the end of ski season, I was leaving for Israel so I spent as much time on the hill as I could!
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