Spring is the season of new beginnings. The trees start to get their leaves back. Birds are singing while the babies are chirping. The air smells of fresh green grass. I am not a fan of spring. Especially early spring, because it is still winter. It is colds some days and warm others. The ski is grey and bleak most days. Early spring is when the countdown to the mountains closing starts. Being a skibum, as soon as winter ends I am ready for next winter. This was the first season I was ready to be done. Last year I skied till about April 14th. This year I was done the end of March. This winter was full of grief and sadness and I was ready for sunshine and heat.
It feels like everything this year is bittersweet. It reminds me how sentimental and nostalgic I can be. Just heading out of the airport brought tears to my eyes. Whenever I would fly down to see them and my friend, my Zayde would be waiting with a smile and a big hug saying "My ugly!". This was generally followed by a trip to a diner for some food, as is the Jewish way. My Zayde was an angry man as some one say, but he was full of so much love, especially for his "uglies". (If you have never heard of someone using this term with love then I highly suggest looking to Yiddish and what customs come with it.) Countless memories were made in that home in Boynton Beach. From watching the lizards run around to eating strawberries and whipped cream (my Bubbes lil treat), to swimming in the pool down the block.
Rather than just making it a "pack up & go" trip we did make the most of it. I spent the morning going for a jog and drinking coffee by the little pond behind the house. Years ago there would be green iguanas running around everywhere. This time around I only got to see one. However, the turtle would always be sunbathing. It was so peaceful to breathe in a new HOT day by watching the turtles sunbathe and then plop in the water. There are also couple of nature reserves close to Boynton beach full of birds, turtles, alligators, etc. It was exciting to see all the soft shell turtles. I personally think they are the coolest turtles! We went to a beach in Lantana which was absolutely beautiful. The water was such a bright clear blue and warm as could be!
And then we did a kayaking trip. It was quite the experience with how low the water was. Even with how hot it was it was not a place to just hop in the water due to the gators. As we paddled down the river the obstacles made it fun. There were tree limbs down that in order to get over you needed a running start and even then you still had to shimmy over them. The closer we got to the turn around point the lower the water got. At one point I did give up trying to paddle and walked the boat through the shallows. It was a really nice time. It was a happy event to bring to a sad moment.
People came and and took things to help us empty the house. Before they came we went through and decided what to hold on to. That was difficult. The grief and the memories kept coming up. I want to hold to many things, and I also remember that not matter what the memories live inside me. Some family art pulled me in and I knew I had to take. In the end, seeing my BubbeZayde's home empty brought a deep sadness.
Closing a chapter.
May my family came to visit my childhood home. A celebration of life was being held to remember my dads parents. It was an opportunity to bring a lot of the Silverman side of the family together. We spent time laughing, eating, and drinking. My uncle made the best chimichurri steak to cap off a lovely time. Though times are hard it is always nice to see the love family can have for each other. We ended the weekend by going to Salisbury Beach and spreading some of my Nanny Caryls ashes.
My dad was playing his guitar in the cold salty air. I went and put my toes in the water. The shock to my system was welcoming and I took in a deep breath. Stretching to the sky I let the grief roll off my body. The wind blowing the salt spray in my face and taking a little bit of that sadness with it. My aunt and cousin drew a heart with her ashes and we watched the ocean wash them away. It was peaceful to let go in this fashion. In keeping with our culture, we and had a delicious meal full of seafood and shellfish.
Chapters closed.
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